Friday, September 10, 2004

Collecting for income

Next to my desk there is a phone for client use. Here is a collecters instruction guide compiled from overheard conversations and stories I've been told:

Andrew's tips to collecting:

1. Locating
- If this step is to be done in person then Star Ferry or Kowloon Park are recommended as starting locations. The real pros, however, are a little more clever. A highly recommended move is to make a visit to MacDonalds at a crowded time when you will be forced to share a table with someone.
- Some people get phone numbers from friends, 'I found this number on a piece of paper in my bag. I haven't seen the paper before but I wanted to see who it is'.

2. Impressing
Follows location. Possible lines are:
'Yes, I'm calling now from my office'
'Actually I do have a mobile phone but I dropped it in a bucket of water this morning. Do you mind to call me on this number?'
'Well I'm part Nigerian, part American'

3. Falling in love
'I love you three million times'
[repeated kissing sounds]

4. Earning
'$50! Baby! I need $150! I thought you loved me?'
'Andrew's girlfriend gives him much more than that!'
'Darling, I need a mobile phone so that I can call you. I miss you so much when I'm not with you... no, it should be a Nokia.'

5. Repeat steps 1-4 according to desired income
Creativity may be required when complications arise. Particularly on Sunday when all girlfriends have a day off at once.
'Honey, I'll be in church until two. And I have a prayer meeting at five so I can only see you in the afternoon... nono... it's African church so you won't understand the language'

No comments: